Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
