omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
She announced her abortion via fbk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
