Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize