Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
His nipple licking is glorious
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