Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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