One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
