My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
