He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
false alarm, still single
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