i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Randomize
