Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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