just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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