3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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