My underwear smells like fireworks.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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