I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
