maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
