I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
