she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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