Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize