Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
