apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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