Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
