some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
