dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
