how can u be prego again
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
