the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
