ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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