mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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