he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
