why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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