Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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