I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
