He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
