Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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