on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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