it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
