so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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