Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize