in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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