My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
it's like iHOP with fire
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
