Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
