I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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