K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize