this beer tastes like vomit already
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
