Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
