I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize