I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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