wat bout pragnant strippers??
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
