Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
