she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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