shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
