i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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