Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
