I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
