Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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