I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
