:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
