You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
