R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize