as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
