Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
