do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
