you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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