She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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