dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
