this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
