i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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