Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize