Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
