in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
